How to think about a God who doesn't answer, or answers and we don't like the results? Can we understand God?
My first two parts lay out the circumstances in which I found myself, as well as my heart's cry. This section will start to cover some of the things the Lord showed me that helped me move past my hurt and lack of understanding.
I was reading Luke chapters 2 & 3 and was struck by what occurs between Luke 2:52 and Chapter 3:1 - 19 years of quietness! We hear nothing more about Jesus - He was completely quiet for most of His early life. I've known this fact for years, but when I thought about it this time, I was undone.
Jesus was fully man, and fully God, and he voluntarily humbled himself choosing to become like us. However, through all His life He maintained connection with the Father's heart, knowing the deep love and compassion He had for all. Yet for 30 years Jesus was quiet. He didn't heal anyone, but was surrounded by the sick. He didn't raise anyone from the dead, not even his own earthly father. He didn't feed the hungry, didn't stand up for His Father's name or reputation, didn't do anything that would cause Him to be noticed. He did all this out of perfect obedience to the Father, despite the fact that His heart was moved deeply by all the wounded, weak and hungry - just as He demonstrated later. He knew that the Father's plan was better and His timing was perfect, so He trusted the Father's plan completely.
My mediation on this verse helped me to see that the Lord wasn't inattentive to my cry, my prayers, or my needs, but was silent for a deeper purpose. He was moved by my pain, my confusion, my wounding, everything! He knew exactly what I was going through, but knew the Father's plan required His silence.
Another day I was reading 2 King 4 and was surprised by verse 27. It says, " 27 When she reached the man of God at the mountain, she took hold of his feet. Gehazi came over to push her away, but the man of God said, “Leave her alone! She is in bitter distress, but the LORD has hidden it from me and has not told me why." Once I saw this verse, I was at peace concerning all the things God had apparently not told me! Here was one of the most powerful prophets of the Old testament, and God had not told him things - why should my experience be any different?
Finally, I was meditating on John 11 - the story of Lazarus. I was thinking of how Jesus was silent in the face of the request from Martha and Mary to come and heal their brother, the one Jesus loved. What an amazing period of silence and inactivity - when their (Mary, Martha and Lazarus') lives were desperate for Him to move. His response, when He finally sees the sisters, tells us much - He wept; He was deeply moved with compassion; He openly showed His love for them. As I was meditating on this, I recognized that the Lord has the exact same response to me. He knew my hurt; He was moved with compassion and mercy; He showed me His love. His silence was for the Father's greater Glory!
I am so grateful for the Love and mercy God has shown me thought this process. I am much more aware and sure of His love for me!
