Of Jesus and Marriage

So I felt like turning to Matthew, chapter 19 this morning and saw these verses.  I  believe they are applicable to me during this week of my 30th anniversary.

Matthew 19:3-12 NIV:

[3] "Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

[4] “Haven't you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' [5] and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ? [6] So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

[7] “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

[8] Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. [9] I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

[10] The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”

[11] Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. [12] For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others---and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

So apparently marriage has been a hot topic of conversation since Jesus was on earth.  I find it interesting that the Pharisees were wanting to test Jesus, so they asked him about marriage and divorce.  This tells me that that of all the things they could have tested him on, the topic of marriage was controversial enough then to be a cause of major disagreement, and it still is.  I don't think it is so much that the topic or idea is difficult to understand, but rather we find it difficult to live out.

Jesus teaches us that divorce was allowed by Moses (Deut 24:1) as He was directed by God, and is the result of hard hearts, and I don't think that is far off.  In relationships that don't end well, we often see one or both of the individuals developing hard hearts towards the other.  This is often the result of pain, emotionally or physically, disappointment, rejection, bitterness or other cause. I find the response of Jesus' disciples to His comments interesting - if that is the case, "it is better not to marry"!  They clearly understood the amount of work it requires to stay married, and were alarmed at Jesus' comments.

Jesus finishes his comments with an interesting statement - "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given... The one who can accept this should accept it.”

I mean, imagine if Jesus was here today and someone asked him about marriage, divorce and such, and His reply was basically this - "yeah it is hard, but if you are called and can accept it, than do so!"  His response seems so unspiritual, yet very real.

The unification of two people, two becoming one flesh is how it is described in Genesis and again here by Jesus, is not some romantic notion, or wonderful thing that happens when you fall in love.  Rather it is the result of hard work, of dying to oneself, of serving the other, of choosing over and over to make it work.  There are wonderful times, and grace sufficient to see oneness through, but as Jesus seems to indicate, it is at times hard.

I am actually encouraged by Jesus words for He says that 'those to whom the word has been given can accept it'.  The Greek word for accept is the word choreo, and it means 'one who can make room for something', as a primary definition, but it also means 'one who can move forward and take possession and succeed'.  In other words, if you have been called to marriage, than that means that you are capable of succeeding in marriage.  The church would call this sacramental grace, grace received or accepted in the experience of the sacrament.  Said another way, if God has called you to marriage, than He is going to give you the strength and grace necessary to succeed at it!  Praise God!

In summary, I think it is fair to say that Jesus recognizes the difficult call that marriage is in our lives.  His command in marriage is really no different than His command to all, 'Love God, and love one another as He loves us'.  This is meant to be the foundation of all deep relationships, love that puts each other first, love that is sacrificial, love that is serving, and love that unites.  Love is so much more than emotion and feeling, it is commitment and hard work, but absolutely worth it. Most importantly, God knows how difficult it can be, but has provided the grace (help) sufficient to see us through to the end of our lives.

Amen!