Yesterday, during worship, I had another bit of revelation drop into my mind, and while not totally new, it certainly addressed something in me that needed to change. Although disconcerting at times, correction from the Lord is always gentle, at least in my experience. He leads me to my error and shows me the truth and and allows me to chose to change.
In summary, the idea that I was reflecting upon yesterday is that how we think about God, directly impacts our faith and our living out that faith. One could say they are directly tied to each other. I am reminded of a book I read by A.W. Tozer, who said how we think about God is the most important thing in our life (paraphrased). He made this same point, that our thinking about God impacts our living out our faith. If we think God is an angry God, a task-master, than we will react to God that way, and perceive Him in that light. If we think He cares only for righteousness via the Law, we will try to live our life in accordance to the Law. If we think of Him as God of love, mercy, compassion and forgiveness we will relate to Him, and live out our life in that light.
What I saw yesterday was similar to an algebraic equation of 2x = y (or something similar). I saw, in that moment, my expectations of God, revealing something about my faith, and belief towards God. In the equation above, usually we would be given one factor and that would allow us to figure out the value of the other. One could say that one side of the equation is hidden but revealed by the other.
What I saw in my heart yesterday was an attitude towards God that revealed an inaccurate thought about Him, and impacted how I lived out my faith. Specifically, I saw myself basing my understanding of God's love for me as being directly related to what He does for me, as in if He answers my prayers the way I want Him to answer them, then I believe that He loves me. I found that I had placed expectations on Him, and that I was withholding some of my affection, waiting for an answer to some of my prayers. In that moment, I realized that I wasn't embracing the Gospel of Grace, but rather a works based mentality, and worse than that I wasn't seeing that in my own life, instead I was projecting that on God! I realized that I must have some works mentality, or legalism in my own life, where I believed that God only loved me if I did what He asked me to do!
What I saw immediately reminded me of two separate examples from scripture, the first was the difference between Martha and Mary, as described in Luke 10:38-42. In this story, Martha is busy with many tasks and Mary just sits at the feet of Jesus. I saw that Mary understood that all she really needed was relationship with Him, listening to Him, and Jesus called that the better thing. It seems to me that Martha was operating out of paradigm that Jesus expected her to make the preparations, and only in fulfilling those preparations would Jesus care for her.
The other story that came to mind was the Prodigal son, but not the younger son, but rather the older son, found in Luke 15:25-31 NIV:
[25] “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. [26] So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. [27] 'Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.'
[28] “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. [29] But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. [30] But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'
[31] “ 'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.
I have always understood the older brother to have had a wrong impression of His father, of His father's heart towards himself. We see this echoed in his reply, "Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends." He saw his father as a slave master, and saw himself as a slave, someone who must follow orders. It is clear that he didn't feel the father's affection for him, nor embrace his true identity as his oldest son. The Father takes that moment to correct the oldest son, and show Him the truth, that He loved him and everything the father had was available to him. The older brother, rather than living his life in relationship with the Father and enjoying all the Father had, was living his life as a slave, and expecting the Father to act the way a salve master would, never rewarding his obedience, never embracing him, loving him or providing for him! What an ugly perspective he had of an obviously loving father!
I saw in my life the root of a similar thought, only revealed by my expectations on the Lord! I was waiting for Him to do something for me (the older son's expectations was a goat for a feast) to show that He really loved me. Rather than being grateful for all that He has already done, I was focused on the one or two things that I wanted, and it was quite ugly, frankly.
Additionally, I saw that I was treating the Lord like my employer, rather than my father. I was expecting that if I did 2X, he would do Y. As in, if I do these 40-60 hours of work in the week, I would get paid. This, while a bit better than seeing God as a slave master, is still a wrong perspective.
However, rather than chastise me, the Lord just gently invited me to embrace change, to repent of my wrong attitudes and expectations and just enjoy the intimacy with Him that is always available. He isn't making His love for me dependent on my obedience, and I shouldn't make my love for Him dependent on fulfilled expectations. He has loved me, and given me salvation, forgiveness and relationship all without me doing a thing. I don't need to do anything but accept all that He is offering me. Why would I embrace anything other than the Gospel of Grace?
As I embraced this invitation during worship, I was reminded of my love for each of my children. While I was excited for their birth, when I first held them each in my arms, I found my heart exploding with this passionate love for them! They hadn't done a thing and yet I loved them with a passion that I had not experienced before. I knew that regardless of their life, who they became, I would always love them. I felt the Lord say that this is the same way He loves me, that I don't have to do a thing, that His love for me has never waned, nor been impacted in slightest by anything I have done, or not done.
This morning I am encouraged in that I hear the Lord saying the same thing - "My son, you are always with me and everything I have is yours!" No requirements, no tasks, just relationship!
Amen and amen!
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