Friends and Wounds

 

I was reminded of a conversation a friend and I had, about wounds from a friend (Prov. 27:6).  I mentioned that I wasn't sure of the verse, if it was "from" a friend, or "of" a friend, and that I probably needed to dig deeper into that verse.

This morning I thought I would at least look into it, and see what the Word says, and dig a bit deeper.  The whole verse is as follows with the context of the preceding verse - Proverbs 27:5-6 NIV:

[5] "Better is open rebuke than hidden love. 

[6] Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses."

Without going into all the research and word studies of the original Hebrew words and such, a my take on a rewrite of those two verses could be:

"To uncover correction is pleasant and good, more than love that is carefully concealed"

"Bruising from one who loves you is meant to confirm and support you. One who hates you just kisses you many times."

This is such an interesting statement, one that if we put it in context might be helpful.  In my mind I imagine that this is like two training partners, training with wooden swords.  The strike that gets through reveals a point of weakness in the other's defenses.  It is better to have this type of friend, than one who sits aside and loves you but is not active in bettering you.  An enemy, or one who hates you, would watch your sword practice and tell you you are magnificent, wonderful, and never point out your weaknesses.

Neither the one who loves from afar who is unhelpful, or the one who covers you with kisses but hates you and can't be trusted are beneficial in our lives.  We need friends we can trust to give us the straight scoop, the ones who see in us our flaws, and point them out to help us, not just to tell us about them.   They are active in their love, active in their support, active in working with us to help!  

I do like the sword practice analogy, for each individual is meant to strengthen the other, and from the place of friendship this is so valuable.  If we imagine the two friends going into actual battle, fighting back to back, each aware of the other's weaknesses, and so helping to cover them, to protect them from wounding, I think we can begin to uncover the richness of these statements.

This approach also addresses the heart of the one who is receiving correction, for it is for their own good.  A bruise given in practice, and learned how to defend against will save you from a killing or disabling blow in a real sword battle.  No one becomes a sword master by themselves, they must practice, must practice against those who are better, those that can identify additional weaknesses, those who understand how to protect and defend.  

Unfortunately these types of friends are few and far between, at least in my life experience.  I am sure part of the issue is my own, for I don't like having my weaknesses exposed, nor do I even like people really knowing me. My fear is that in knowing me, they might recognize my flaws and dislike me or reject me because of them.  

However, in looking at the wisdom of these verses, I see how such a friend will help me, not hinder me, will make me stronger, healthier, and more skilled in love and relationships.  Life is not about physical battles for most of us, our battlefield is in our mind and in relationships.  Our wounds come in our heart, our emotions, our families, even our faith.  

If you are anything like me, you are constantly barraged by thoughts and accusations about our weaknesses, our failures, our inadequacy.  In the place of these woundings, we either learn defensive techniques or we just suffer them and continue to be wounded in the exact same place over and over again.  Some of the times our defensive techniques are simple, we just avoid all such scenarios so that we will not get wounded!  Other times we believe the accuser who says we are inadequate, or a failure, and we just lay down our weapons and accept the wound over and over again.  Some of us go so far as to welcome the wounds in a way that confirms our agreements with the accuser's diagnosis.  

We must be willing to be loved and love others in a way that will help each other.  We must be willing to enter the real battle, to bring hope and healing, to love actively!  We must help our brothers and sisters to defend their hearts, their minds, their emotions and their faith!  

Oh Lord help us!  

Help us to love one another!

Help us to see the real fight, to engage in the real battle!  As Paul writes in his letter to the Ephesians 6:10-18 NIV:

[10] "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. [11] Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. [12] For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. [13] Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. [14] Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, [15] and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. [16] In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. [17] Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 

[18] And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord's people."

Let us pray for one another, strengthen one another and love each other!

Oh Lord, release real brotherhood, and sisterhood, life on life, fellowship that is active and helpful and life-giving!

More than anything help us to hear Your Voice, and listen to the only real Truth about who we are!

Amen and Amen!