[19] "Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, [20] for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should."
Paul was the epitome of a hardy and courageous evangelist, at least that is how it seems to me. Sometimes when I read his writings, he seems almost super-human, and maybe that is because he is so aware of his empowerment by the Holy Spirit. However, as I read these verses this morning, I was struck by his humanity.
In three sentences Paul asks for prayers that he might proclaim the Gospel fearlessly twice, NOT continue to proclaim the Gospel fearlessly. That might seem like a very small point, but as I read through his statement, some of his vulnerability and normalness leaked through to me, or at least that is what I am assuming. It seems to me that Paul is admitting at times he is fearful to proclaim the Gospel, and He knows that is not how He should feel, but not in actuality how he does.
I don't know about you, but for me these human insights are encouraging. Frankly speaking, I am more often fearful to proclaim the Gospel than not, especially in hostile environments or out in general public. I am fine speaking of the Glory of God and His Kingdom and my relationship with Him in private or in settings where it is expected, but at other times, the fear of man wells up in my heart and mind. I know that I should proclaim the Gospel fearlessly (verse 20 above), but at times I don't and I would like the same prayers for strengthening as Paul is requesting here!
I am encouraged that Paul is near the end of his ministry as He writes this, for he is in chains, and yet he apparently feels no shame nor judgment nor guilt in writing these requests. Sometimes, I think that we expect so much out of our pastors, and teachers and men of God, that we don't allow them to be human, and that is not healthy for us, or them. If we cannot see that these people, whether man or woman who serve the Lord and are widely recognized by the greater body of Christ, are human and have the same imperfect natures as we do, than we set unreal expectations and are doomed to disappointment. We are all weak, we are all sinners, we are all human, and none have walked perfectly. If we think that even super apostles like Paul were immune to the same things we struggle with daily, then we are wrong, and really need to assess our mind-set.
I am encourages, because this helps me to stay engaged, to believe that I can be used by God, even if I am weak, sinful or afraid. So often the enemy tries to tell us that we are unacceptable or have disqualified ourselves because of our weakness of sinfulness, and that is simply not true. The body of Christ in general, and as a whole, needs to learn to extend grace and mercy to all, especially to ourselves and to our leaders. It is ok for them to be imperfect, and we should not look down on them or be disappointed by them when we discover their imperfections or weakness. We should be praying for them, that in spite of these normal human weaknesses, that they can continue to press forward as they know they should, but sometimes don't feel they can. We should hold them up and extend to them grace and encouragement. We should be thankful for their willingness to lay it all out before us. We should pray for ourselves that we can do the same.
The truth is that God fully knows our condition, and has never expected us to be anything other than ourselves. He loved us when we were still sinners and lost. He loves us even now in spite of any weakness or fear that we struggle with, and He will love us always with the same passion. He never disqualifies us for some debt of sin, because He paid for every one of those sins!
I am reminded of Brother Lawrence, a simple man who followed God and who became famous for his simple faith (See Practicing the Presence of God - a short book of his saying and thoughts). His approach to his own sinfulness was to say to God, "What do you expect God? I am a sinner". It wasn't an excuse, just a simple acknowledgement of his inner nature and limitations. He knew that God didn't expect anything more, and after that short exclamation, would repent (change his mind and actions concerning whatever he had struggled with) and continue on in intimate relationship with the Lord.
In the same way, maybe we could extend mercy to ourselves, not as an excuse, but as a simple recognition that we too are human, and imperfect, even as Paul and every other saint and apostle. Maybe we could even extend the same mercy to our leaders, extending to them the same understanding.
Finally, we should be encouraged to pray for ourselves, for each other and especially for our leaders. Fear is not from God, and is one of the enemy's tactics to try and cause us to fail or falter! Let us overcome our fear, through the encouragement and empowering of the Holy Spirit, and one another, and let us press forward as we should, even if we sometimes don't.
Amen! Let us embrace our humanness and look to God for His help to overcome!
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