Lord, as I was wading back into Your word this morning, and feeling directed back to John 11 again, and questioning Your direction, I realised that I am so focused on my own stuff, that I can't hear You speaking about other things. My need is great for direction and guidance, and provision, and it is so loud, I can't seem to get my mind on other things, please help me to lift up my eyes and see You! Help me to clear my ears of my on need, so that I an hear Your Word clearly. I want to be used by You, and right now I am tripping over myself. I know You are good, and that You will guide us and direct us. I know that You are about teaching me who I am in You. As I look at scripture and read about You, I try to follow You, but I rarely if ever imagine myself in Your shoes, doing what You are doing. If I imagine myself in these stories, its usually as an outside observer, or at best one of Your disciples, However, You said the following - John 14:11-14 NIV:
[11] "Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the works themselves. [12] Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. [13] And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. [14] You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."
I find my heart conflicted this morning, because I realize that rather than asking, I have been expecting, knowing that You are good and that You have directed me down this path. Rather than being grateful and continuing to ask, I have been expecting, thinking I knew how things were supposed to go, and when they don't go that way, becoming upset, and accusatory towards You. Oh Lord, forgive me!
When I read about Martha and Mary's response when they first meet You, after their brother's death, I see varying degrees of understanding and relationship. Martha was quite straight-forward in her statement - John 11:21-23 NIV:
[21] “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. [22] But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”
[23] Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”
Mary, when she approached Jesus, did so as one with a more intimate identity in Him, John 11:32-33 NIV:
[32] "When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
[33] When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled."
It is interesting that both of them said basically the same thing, but Jesus was moved deeply by Mary. I am not saying He wasn't moved by Martha, but John specifically calls out Jesus' response to Mary. I would imagine that Martha's conversation with Jesus occurred with them both standing, while we are told Mary came and fell at Jesus feet. We are also told by John, that Mary was known for this, (See John 11:2) and had wiped Jesus feet with her hair (See John 12:3 and Luke 7:38). There is something about worship in the face of great need that moves His heart.
I would even say the Lord's desire for us is to embrace gratitude even in the face of great need. A grateful heart recognizes that all we have, even the ability to approach Him is due to His Grace, His gift, His movement towards us! He Loved us first. He has us in His heart, called us forth as part of His creation, knit us together in our Mother's womb (Ps 139:13) and has been with us everyday of our lives. He is the source of all life, truth and love! All good things come from Him (James 1:17)! He paid for our sins, and took our punishment upon himself (Is 53:4-6). In light of these truths, our heart should be moved in gratitude, even if we never receive another gift or blessing from Him!
Going back to John 11, where I started this reflection, Jesus knew the Father's heart from the very start, and knew that Lazarus would not end up dead, but alive. John, looking back on this event, calls to mind that which Jesus said upon hearing Lazarus was sick and dying - John 11:4 NIV: "When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it.”
In looking back, knowing that Jesus was going to raise Lazarus from the dead by His prayers to the Father, we can read those lines with an assurance, and faith. I know for sure that Martha and Mary didn't have that opportunity, and they went through the valley of death, suffering the loss of their beloved brother. Yet, into that situation, God moved, He showed Himself great and powerful, commanding even death and nature, in the resurrection and restoration of Lazarus to life. We can be assured that the Lord is just as much in love with us, as He was with Lazarus, Martha and Mary, and that He is intimately aware of our needs.
So this morning, in the midst of my own struggles, questions, and need, I am desirous to worship the Lord for His goodness! I am reminded of all the good things with which He has filled my life! I am reminded of His nearness, His love, His compassion and His mercy! I am happy to come and worship at His feet!
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