Over the last month I have been reflecting on some verses I ran across in Matthew's Gospel. The come right at the beginning of the story of Jesus walking on water - and have to do with the night the apostles spent on the sea of Galilee. Here are the verses - Matthew 14:22-33 NIV:
[22] "Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. [23] After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, [24] and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
[25] Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. [26] When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It's a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
[27] But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid.”
[28] “Lord, if it's you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
[29] “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. [30] But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
[31] Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
[32] And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. [33] Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”
The first thing that struck me was the opening line on verse 22, "Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side." He was likely aware of the winds and waves that were going to assault the disciples over the next several hours and yet He sent them on their way. In other words He sent them straight into difficulty, and they were in that situation because they obeyed Him! They clearly were not having a good time, battling the waves, wind and darkness! It is important to note that this went on all night, for it was shortly before dawn when Jesus finally started out walking on the water, so they had been about their efforts all night long!! I am sure that more than one of them were thinking negative thoughts!
I found this bit quite encouraging, because it was very clear the Lord directed them into this situation. I have, more than once, found myself in difficult straits through my obedience to what I believe the Lord has directed me to do. Sometimes I even find myself wondering if I actually heard the Lord, or if I was just trying to "make" something happen. I was encouraged to see that in this case, Jesus clearly had directed them down a path that would cause them to struggle in the darkness, as most of the time I feel that is a good representation of my perspective.
There have been many times where I have wondered if it was worth it to follow the Lord, many times, I found myself thinking, this is completely not what I expected, times where what appeared to be promise and provision instead turned into lean seasons of struggle and hard work. I find that my idea of God blessing me and loving me doesn't allow for difficult times, and I know that isn't correct, but it still causes me to struggle.
I find much of my struggle is related to the thoughts I am listening to. I find myself thinking that God doesn't love me, that He is being hard or even cruel, that He is punishing me, etc. I find that these thoughts ultimately don't originate with me, but are rather being spewed into my mind by one who is the enemy of all that is God. The enemy, and his followers, are constantly trying to get us to agree with their accusations about God, His love for us, and even ourselves. My agreement allows these thoughts to take up residence and start to cause bitterness and anger to rot my thinking and my resolve.
I find that I often let my circumstances affect my thinking about God, as I mentioned above. The truth is that our circumstances have nothing to do with Who God is, or His love for us! He loves us always. His love for us never changes! He will never love us less due to our own failings. He does bless us in our life, but that is not a guarantee that everything will always be perfect.
Going back to the story and theme of encountering difficulty as one follows Jesus, I imagine the apostles came to a similar conclusion over their time of following Him, realizing that things weren't always going to work out perfectly to their liking! Following Jesus meant a life of incredible blessing, and yet they all encountered difficulty and struggles. This story is a very small example of the Lord allowing, or maybe I should say using difficult circumstances to bring about greater revelation.
Jesus said many things that should challenge this idea that following Him will lead to a perfectly comfortable and pleasing life. Matthew recorded Him saying the following or something similar, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me." (Matt 10:28 & 16:24). That does not sound like a life of luxury and pleasant surroundings, but rather struggle and denial of self.
Paul, in his life of following Jesus, was stoned, beaten, imprisoned, ship-wrecked, and ultimately executed. I am pretty sure He wasn't a partaker in the thinking that God only blesses those He loves with earthly treasure and pleasant surroundings. He understood that following Jesus would sometimes lead Him into difficult straits, but He never turned back, or slowed down.
Going back to the story of the boat trip, I do love is the fact that the apostles were still struggling forward, they hadn't given up and were pressing on, even as dawn was approaching. They hadn't given up hope, hadn't let the accusations of the enemy cause them to falter. That is a good point of reflection as well...for our lives, especially in the midst of struggle, are often impacted by our choices and decisions. The Lord hasn't changed who He is, and who we are hasn't changed, its just the circumstances around us that have changed. We need to allow our perspective to be anchored by the Truth, by the Lord.
Continuing on with the story, the end result was that all of the men in the boat were completely convinced of Jesus being the son of God (verse 33 above)! They might have come to this conclusion earlier, but this whole experience cemented that truth for them all. I believe that often times the Lord is about increasing our revelation of Him in the midst of our struggles, and we need to be looking to Him for that that increased revelation. He wants us to grow in our understanding and thinking so that we can grow and mature in our relationship. He wants us to learn fully what it means to be a son or daughter of God!
One last reflection I had upon reading these verses has to do with God's immediacy. Three times in the verses quote above, it said Jesus did something immediately. I really like the sound of that, but twice the immediate response came after a night of struggle, once to reassure them that He wasn't a ghost, stopping a full scale panic, and once to rescue Peter when He started to sink. So, while God can react immediately, we find that it might only come after we have been obedient to keep on struggling down the path He directed us previously.
In summary, I am encouraged that the Lord is about helping me grow in relationship with Him, and regardless of the circumstances He loves me and is wanting to help me mature and grow and know Him more. He is who He says He is, and I need to hold onto that Truth regardless of what is going on around me, regardless of the darkness, winds or waves of life. I am also encouraged that struggling through difficult times doesn't mean I missed the Lord or that I somehow screwed up. Thank You Lord for loving me, and providing me, and leading me.
Amen!
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