An Honest Assessment

This morning I  am reflecting on a few verses from Matthew 10:5-13 NIV:

[5] "These twelve Jesus sent out with the following instructions: “Do not go among the Gentiles or enter any town of the Samaritans. [6] Go rather to the lost sheep of Israel. [7] As you go, proclaim this message: 'The kingdom of heaven has come near.' [8] Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give."

[9] “Do not get any gold or silver or copper to take with you in your belts--- [10] no bag for the journey or extra shirt or sandals or a staff, for the worker is worth his keep. [11] Whatever town or village you enter, search there for some worthy person and stay at their house until you leave. [12] As you enter the home, give it your greeting. [13] If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you."

I was just reading over these verses, which are quite familiar to me, and verse 12 and 13 grabbed my attention, so I stopped to consider them.  It is an interesting thought, that the mere presence and pronounced blessing by one of Jesus' Apostles was significant, and worthy of such focus.  On the other hand, they walked in the authority of Jesus, proclaiming and demonstrating the Kingdom of God present and thus were His representatives!

I know for sure that if Jesus came and stayed at a house, that His mere presence and His spoken blessing would have a positive impact on a household!  Thus, we should not be surprised that the same is true for His representatives.  I guess for me, the difference in my present world-view is that I believe they they had a legitimate, life-changing, miracle-working, dead-raising, leper-cleansing ministry, and when I look around myself today, I am struck by how few of us can say the same thing (myself included).  I don't know that my presence or spoken blessing would have any affect on those I visit (just being honest).  Based on these verses, my presence and blessing should be impactful, so the question for me is why am I not?

Personally, I think I take my representation of the Lord too lightly, and consider it as secondary (to my "real" job and occupation).  I want to experience this type of ministry, and want to be a representative of the Lord with this type of life changing impact, and yet I don't really do that which is necessary.  I am not pursuing the Lord and His ways as aggressively as I could.  I am not filled with a sense of God's purpose over my life.  I am a bit too comfortable, and a bit too bought into the Christian status-quo that I see around me.  I am comfortable going to church, being a bit involved, even getting up most every day to pray, and somehow in my mind that is enough. Oh Lord, forgive me for my irreverence and faithlessness!

If I truthfully look at my life, and my actions, some things become clear.  I don't daily expect that my life, my words and my presence, as Your representative, will make any difference in anyone's life.  I don't act like I am the bearer of Good News to a needy world.  I don't think of the invitation to eternal life, through relationship with Jesus, as something that I should be actively spreading.  I make it through many a day with barely a thought (other than in the morning) about the Lord, His Kingdom, or salvation!  I am sufficiently satisfied with my life and my comfort and my witness of being nice to people and loving to my family and somewhat active in church, as if that is all I have been called to do. Oh Lord, forgive me for my irreverence and faithlessness!

So, Lord, how do I change this?  How do I move from where I am to where I think You want me to be?  How do I rekindle that fire that once burned in my heart?  How do I get out of my comfortable home, and off my comfortable couch and make a real difference in Your name?  How do I learn to be a real representative of You?  How do I learn to be a conduit for Your Holy Spirit, being obedient in word and action?

Lord, I want to be a light!  Lord, I want to represent You and Your Kingdom effectively!  I want my life to make a difference!

Help me, Oh Lord!