Seeking the Lord in the Midst of Pain

So this morning I felt like reading from Matthew's.  I must say its hard to press into the Lord right now, but He does have compassion, mercy, peace and joy and I need all of those in my life.   I am meditating on the following verses - Matthew 14:12-14, 22-23 NIV:

[12] "John's disciples came and took his body and buried it. Then they went and told Jesus."

[13] "When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. [14] When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick."

[22] "Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. [23] After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray."

I find solace in the fact that Jesus understands grief and the pain of losing a loved one.  His first response was to withdraw, desiring to be with His Father.  He needed time with His heavenly Father.  He, however did not turn totally introspective, but kept his eyes open to those around him and when he saw the crowd he was moved with compassion for them.  I know my experiences of late have made me more sensitive, given me a greater heart for those who are hurting and in need, and I am sure Jesus was likewise affected by the death of His cousin John.   I like the fact that Jesus was unaffected in his ability to care for, love and heal the sick.  He knew the power to do so came from the Holy Spirit anyway, and although Jesus was hurting the Holy Spirit was capable.  I was reminded of Paul's statement that it was in his weakness that the Holy Spirit was strong (paraphrase of 2 Cor 12:9-10).

Finally after feeding 5000+ people, Jesus got back to His main focus, that of spending time with the Father.  There is no substitute for conversation and intimate relationship with the Father.  Jesus knew his relationship with the Father was foundational, and the source of all He said and did, and being in His presence and reconnecting was critical to His ability to continue moving forward.

I know that many people, after the loss of a loved one, will often feel like walking away from the Father, in some way blaming Him.  It is a time of pain, and sorrow and in that place there is often anger and denial.  In walking away from God though, we lose the opportunity to gain perspective, and experience His mercy and compassion.  He knows the pain of loss, and understands our hearts like no one else.  I find that in the place of my relationship with Him, I find one who understands me completely and can comfort me like no one else. I am choosing to run to the Lord, rather than away from Him in my grief.

I pray for all those that are in similar positions, that they might understand and experience the intimate love, mercy and compassion of the Lord.  That their lives might be refilled with hope, peace and joy.